March 4, 2013
On the Road to Naples – Everglades
After treating ourselves to a hearty meal of alligator meat and a calorie-packed birthday cake at Joanie’s Blue Crab Café, we continued our journey toward the Gulf of Mexico—more precisely, to the retiree paradise of Naples.
A little side anecdote:
Since we were still technically in the Everglades and continued driving along the Tamiami Trail toward the Gulf Coast, the canal still ran parallel to the road on our right-hand side. Suddenly, Mary shouted from the back seat that she saw alligators basking in the sun among the tall grasses near the water—and not just one, but loads of them lying there at short intervals.
One portion of alligator food to go, please!
There—a parking lot on the left! Wanting to make the girls happy, I pulled in, and the adventure began. They immediately ran back across the road and began scanning the opposite bank for alligators from behind the guardrail.
And there it was. Lying in the sun, seemingly asleep. Mary immediately had the idea to throw a stone into the water to wake the scaly creature and get it moving. They all climbed onto the guardrail, and then she tossed the stone. The attempt worked — the alligator opened its eyes, started moving, and slid into the wet depths. It swam in our direction, and the girls squealed with delight, snapping dozens of photos with their phones.
I think that was the moment I secretly hoped the gator in the water was just a baby — and that, at any second, Mama Gator would emerge from the shore and devour my girls. Now that would’ve been something. What a clip for the video — I probably could’ve made some good money with that!
But sadly, it was just a daydream.
As we stood there, more tourists followed our example, pulled into the parking area, and rushed straight to the gator-watching spot. It’s worth mentioning that this kind of thing is actually prohibited and strictly punished if you’re caught. Just as we were heading back to the car, a State Trooper pulled up — thank God, only now — and sternly warned the remaining tourists by the guardrail to move on immediately.
We were lucky — and we were the ones who got the others into it in the first place. Poor souls. (laughs)
Naples – The Stronghold of Wealthy Retirees
But on we went, as it was already late in the afternoon, and we slowly but surely had to start searching for our next hotel in Naples. All we needed now was Wi-Fi, and we found it at the very first McDonald’s we came across after leaving the Everglades. As we already knew, they had fast and free Wi-Fi.
For Florida visitors who don’t want to stay in one hotel at one location but are planning a road trip instead, I can highly recommend the “Priceline” app (http://www.priceline.com/download-priceline-negotiator-app). It helped us compare hotel prices quickly and book on the spot — every single day.
That’s how we found the Best Western in Naples and hit the road toward it. We left the Everglades behind, civilization returned, the road became two-laned again in both directions, and traffic picked up.
At a great price — even cheaper than the “youth hostel” in the Everglades — we checked into a suite on the second floor of the hotel, complete with two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, and a beautiful bathroom. Well, we didn’t really get to enjoy much of that “luxury,” because we quickly freshened up and headed straight down to the beach, where the sun was already setting on the horizon, treating us to a spectacular display of colors.
A moment we thoroughly enjoyed. But then everything happened quickly. The sun was gone, and suddenly it was pitch dark. Since we were now the only ones left on the beach, we quickly left as well and drove south along Gulf Shore Boulevard toward the town center. The beachfront mansions we saw along the way were incredible—some looked almost like palaces. And then it becomes clear why Naples is known as a hotspot for wealthy American retirees.
On 5th Avenue South, we strolled past the upscale restaurants, and thanks to the streetlights wrapped around the trunks of the palm trees, it already felt like Christmas. Although we were hungry, we preferred something a bit more down-to-earth, so we headed back in the direction of the hotel, as Mary had spotted a Greek diner along the way earlier in the afternoon. That’s where we ended up—and after indulging in all the delicious Greek specialties, we were completely stuffed.
Since we were almost the only guests at that hour, we quickly got into a conversation with the Greek owners, who told us they had emigrated from Greece a long time ago to start a new life here.
But now it was time to head back to the hotel after this eventful and exhausting day—and call it a night.
March 5, 2013
Naples – Best Western Hotel
When I woke up, a blue sky smiled down at me, and once again I knew: deciding to fly to Florida while it was freezing cold in Germany had been the right choice. By now, we had already established a routine about who got to use the bathroom and in which order. Once we were all freshened up—or at least presentable enough for the outside world—we headed out for breakfast by the pool.
And that’s when things got funny.
Okay, typical American breakfast again. What else could you expect? Everything was set up on a counter that would probably be used as a bar later in the day. It was all self-service. After everyone had grabbed their food, we searched in vain for tables and chairs. The only seating options were the sun loungers and poolside recliners. So that’s where all the guests sat, balancing their plates on their laps and eating their breakfast in true makeshift fashion.
We were lucky enough to grab one of the few tables scattered around, and—funnily enough—our table turned out to be a kind of rocking chair construction. So, as we devoured our waffles and bagels, we gently rocked back and forth, and sometimes back again.
Somehow, we ended up being the last ones to leave breakfast. With the beautiful weather and the warm sunrays on our skin, nobody really wanted to get up and move on. But it was time—we had another solid stretch of driving ahead of us today. So we packed up our things and soon left Naples behind.
And right at the next traffic light, we were greeted by the next quirky Florida moment.
From the front, it looked like a regular billboard advertising an ordinary mattress store. But when we stopped next to it, we realized — unbelievably — that behind the sign, a man was actually sitting on a stool, holding the sign himself. Instead of mounting the billboard on a pole in the ground, they had an actual person acting as the pole. We were all shocked — and at the same time fascinated — by the kind of things you come across here. The light turned green, and we continued on our way.
Going to the beach in March? Now that’s seriously awesome!
After about 15 kilometers, we turned left onto Bonita Beach Road and were quite literally getting closer and closer to Fort Myers Beach. Then came a magical stretch as we turned onto Hickory Boulevard, following it north along the coast, now just a stone’s throw from the Gulf. Only a single row of houses separated us from the powder-white sand, and our desire to finally enjoy the beach grew stronger with every meter.
We found a small parking spot — between the houses, there were several public beach access points, so it wasn’t just the homeowners who could step onto the sand. And what a dream it was: blue skies, sunshine, over 25 degrees Celsius, and a wide sandy beach that left nothing to be desired. This was exactly what we had been longing for ever since arriving in Miami. Pure paradise.
In no time, everyone had changed into their beachwear and we soaked up the calm and the break we were lucky enough to enjoy here.
As always, I had to play the spoilsport once again and, after about an hour, remind the girls that it was finally time to move on. I did try to soften the blow by giving them hope that we’d still come across a few more beautiful beaches where we could soak up the sun. Little did we know at that point that this would actually turn out to be the last beach before reaching Panama City Beach. Unfortunately. And for that, I would face a fair share of blame from the ladies in the days to come.
So, with grumbling and groaning, we headed back to the car and left paradise behind. Women can be a handful sometimes. Why couldn’t we just stay a bit longer? Why do we have to leave now? Can’t we drive later? It’s so beautiful here! …blah blah blah… Well, I guess I was the bad guy in that moment. But I was also the only one who really kept track of the route and the individual stages—so I was the only one who could tell when it was time to move on to stay on schedule.
The Gulf accompanied us for a while longer, giving us that perfect summer feeling. But then, it was time to head back inland toward Fort Myers.
You drive past schools more cautiously than anywhere else. But why?
Our navigation system led us through a regular residential neighborhood, and this is where we first encountered how traffic is handled around schools in the U.S. The road sections directly in front of schools are marked with numerous yellow signs, making it immediately clear that you’re entering a school zone. Above the street, there’s also a flashing yellow warning light. And if this light is blinking, the speed limit drops to just 25 mph (miles per hour) from the start of the school area.
It might be hard to believe, but everyone actually sticks to that rule. During our three-week road trip, I never once saw anyone speeding through a school zone. We were told that violations are punished very severely. Also, never pass a school bus that’s stopped and letting children off. You must stop immediately and wait until the bus drives on. The cops have zero tolerance when it comes to that. Remember my words if you plan on cruising through the U.S.
But now, back to the trip itself. From Fort Myers, we drove straight through Punta Gorda, Port Charlotte, and North Port to Venice, where we checked in at the Ramada Venice Resort in the late afternoon. Once again, we got lucky with the hotel – we only paid about $150 for one night in total.
First, we all jumped into the large pool, followed by some serious chilling in the whirlpool. Then the rest of the evening’s plans were spontaneously canceled by the weather – it started pouring rain. So we had no choice but to stay at the hotel, which at least meant we were well-rested for the next morning’s journey.
March 6, 2013
Venice – Ramada Venice Resort
The morning in Venice was cloudy and still quite chilly.
At that point, you couldn’t have guessed that the day would turn out to be much nicer later on. So Mary and I packed the car while Katy and Melly went to check out at the reception. Said and done. As soon as we were finished, we pulled up to the main entrance where the two were already waiting for us—with fresh coffee in hand.
I have to admit: coffee is absolutely essential on a trip like this. I wouldn’t have thought so at first, but regular coffee consumption quickly became mandatory. And so my eyes lit up when Kathy handed me my cup. *Yummy.
It was around 9 a.m. when we left Venice and shortly after crossing the city limits, we hit Highway 75 heading north.
Driving on the highway is actually pretty boring since there’s not much to see—at least nothing beyond the usual scenery that flanks such fast roads. But the upside is: you get places faster. In return, you have to accept countless billboards, especially for fast food places of all kinds, which are pretty much everywhere along the highways. Apart from that, the landscape flew past us at 70 miles per hour.
After about 50 miles, we turned onto Highway 275 and were getting closer to the next highlight of our trip: the Tampa Bay Bridge.
As the name already suggests, it spans a sea bay—the largest of its kind in Florida.
Oops, we still had the hotel key card from the Ramada…
At exactly 5.5 miles long, it’s one of the longest bridges with a cable-stayed center span. As we approached the bridge, it already felt incredible to experience the kind of presence it radiates. So imposing—a true colossus. And the closer we got, the more clearly we saw the steep incline leading up to the center arch. From the very top, you had a breathtaking, far-reaching view. Unfortunately, we could only enjoy it briefly, since the road quickly sloped downward again, and stopping wasn’t an option.
As soon as we were back on the mainland, I immediately pulled into the next available parking spot—I had to get a photo of that bridge. I couldn’t continue without it. When I got back into the car, Kathy was already grinning at me, finding something hilariously funny. When I asked what was going on, she had just discovered both Ramada hotel key cards in her bag and thought it was absolutely hilarious.
I didn’t quite share her amusement. Instead, I started wondering what exactly she and Melly had been doing back in Venice when they were supposed to be checking out, while Mary and I packed the car. Turns out they had just grabbed a coffee and totally forgot to check out. Speechless.
I have to admit, in that moment I lost my composure a bit and started doubting their sanity. “How can you forget something like that?” I asked. “There were two of you!!” “Do I have to do everything myself from now on?” That quickly escalated into a full-blown argument between Kathy and me, and after that—radio silence in the car.
Next, we were on the lookout for a Wi-Fi spot—McDonald’s, of course—to look up the hotel’s number and fix the situation as fast as possible. Thank God we cleared it up pretty quickly. After speaking with the hotel, they assured us everything was fine, since those were just dummy cards temporarily programmed for specific rooms. It apparently happens often that guests accidentally take them with them.
Crisis averted, we hit the road again. But since the mood in the car was still ice-cold, I made a decision about where we’d stay that night—somewhere that would hopefully warm the girls’ hearts again. While online at McDonald’s, I found the perfect spot: the Hilton in Clearwater Beach. A true dream, located right on a wide sandy beach—just the place to spend the rest of the day.
When we arrived there an hour later, all three ladies were already looking forward to some extreme sunbathing—but unfortunately, we had to realize that an icy wind was blowing, and despite the blue skies, the temperatures were nowhere near as warm as they had been the day before in Fort Myers Beach. The disappointment was huge, because both the hotel and the beach were awesome. On a truly warm and windless day, it would have been absolute paradise.
We sat in the car in the Hilton parking lot, trying to digest that damn wind, before deciding to push on and drive as far as possible that day—so we’d have more buffer time to enjoy ourselves the next day. After all, the deadline was March 8th, when we were set to meet up with Patrick Pfeffer in Panama City Beach.
So we hit the road again and continued north toward Crystal River. Along the way, we found our hotel for the evening via the Priceline app. This time, it would be another Holiday Inn Express.
Women on the verge of a nervous breakdown…
This place is world-famous for diving and swimming with manatees (also known as sea cows). Unfortunately, we didn’t end up doing it – even though Melly suddenly changed her mind and wanted to – but waking up at 6 a.m. didn’t really support a positive decision.
Melly had been struggling with the food in Florida for days and was rarely satisfied with whatever was offered, no matter where we were. I have to admit, I wasn’t totally convinced by the food either, but I never let it get to me the way Melly quite clearly did. She was in a bad mood, hungry, and, as the saying goes – a diva. Damn, if only I had had a Snickers with me.
As you can imagine, the mood that evening when we wanted to go out for dinner wasn’t exactly sparkling. Her mood pretty much dictated the entire atmosphere.
Chaos in the supermarket! Two German women flee from the store manager!
After checking out two small restaurants that completely failed to convince us, the only option left was the supermarket — which, at the very least, managed to lift our spirits.
Now picture this: two crazy, hungry German women speeding through the aisles of an American supermarket in an electric shopping cart designed for elderly or overweight people, while being chased by the store manager.
A sight for the gods — and the perfect ending to the day.
07.03.2013
Crystal River – Holiday Inn Express
The next morning, I had already made a personal decision on how I wanted to lift the gloomy mood from the day before. I planned to surprise the three of them without telling them in advance that we’d be making a detour to Gainesville – home to one of the biggest malls in Florida. And what brings women the most joy? Yes, exactly… shopping! laugh
I knew none of them paid much attention to the route, road signs, or any clues that could hint at a detour from our planned path, so I could go ahead with my plan without worry. The stretch of road leading to Gainesville was long and uneventful – just woods, meadows, and fields. I was the only one still awake; the others had escaped the boredom by drifting off to dreamland. Which made it even easier to pull off my little surprise.
When we finally pulled into the massive parking lot of the Oaks Mall in Gainesville, everyone suddenly woke up and looked around in confusion. “Where are we?” they asked. And once I revealed the plan, the excitement was instant. I’m pretty sure their shopping instincts kicked in immediately – nothing could have stopped them from storming in at that point.
I must admit, this surprise wasn’t entirely selfless. For the first time since the start of our vacation, I had three glorious hours of peace and quiet. Finally alone, I could simply enjoy the moment. And honestly, I think those three hours were good for all of us. By 3 p.m., the mood had completely turned around, and with bags full of purchases, we hit the road again – off to our last night before Spring Break officially began.
Excuse me, where are we? Oh right – in the middle of nowhere!
The coming night would take place quite literally in the middle of nowhere – a place called Perry. A town that essentially consisted of one major road junction with heavy traffic and not much else.
On the way from Gainesville to Perry, I couldn’t help but feel reminded of horror movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Wrong Turn. It was pure isolation – endless straight roads cutting through dense forest. The only sign that humans might live out here were the lonely mailboxes standing right by the road.
But if you looked closely into the woods, you’d sometimes spot flat houses hidden among the trees – clearly inhabited, or so it seemed. Yet I never saw a single soul.
It was a creepy area. One of those places where you really wouldn’t want to be driving around at night – and absolutely not the kind of place you’d want to break down.
Then finally, we arrived in Perry, where — “as usual” — a Holiday Inn Express was waiting for us. This time, at a record-breaking overnight price: breakfast included, all four of us for a staggering $99 total.
But just before we could turn into the hotel parking lot, we had to drive past a motel that looked like it was ripped straight out of the world-famous movie Psycho — Norman Bates included. Unsurprisingly, it was closed. Which somehow made the whole thing even creepier — just like the entire area around it.
08.03.2013
Perry – Holiday Inn Express
But nevertheless, the hotel was once again fantastic – a true oasis in this region. Okay, the breakfast was the same old mishmash as always. It filled you up, but “flavor” is definitely something else.
Now came the final stretch of our tour, so we could finally spend several days in one place. Spring Break was officially about to begin today. But first, we had to tackle one last longer leg of nearly 180 miles before we could fully give in to the madness.
On our way through the vast emptiness, we made a short stop around noon at a tiny Pizza Hut in the middle of nowhere. Without going into detail about the full-blown feeding frenzy we unleashed there, I have to give a quick shoutout to the cinnamon sticks – those irresistible little devils you dip in vanilla sauce and instantly get hooked on. Americans definitely have a thing for cinnamon. But so do I.
Freshly recharged and with full bellies — even Melly was satisfied after the meal — we hit the final stretch toward Panama City Beach. By the time we turned onto Interstate 231, the number of cars packed with Spring Breakers heading for the same destination was unmistakable: Party, party, party!!!
What happened next — how we spent five wild days celebrating Spring Break with Patrick Pfeffer, the owner of the biggest nightclub in North America, how we fell victim to booze and debauchery, and how we partied hard with DJ Pauly D — all that and more in part six of my travel diary.
