March 3, 2013
Homestead – Florida City
After Melly bravely withstood the pressure and survived, we refueled both ourselves with new drinks and the car at the gas station right next to McDonald’s. Then we headed straight north along Krome Avenue. While the drive down to Key West on the Florida Keys had been a bit more winding, now we encountered a typical phenomenon of the American road system – the endless straight line. When the road seems to go on forever without a single curve, only interrupted by the occasional intersection, you find yourself grateful for any change of scenery.
Where the morning had still felt quite tropical as we made our way back over the Keys, it now felt more like being in the foothills – or even back in Germany. On both sides: fields, cultivated farmland, greenhouses, meadows, and trees – just like home.
The Florida flair gradually gave way to the charm of a flat, rural German plain—except for one detail: an endlessly straight road lined with American cars and trucks, constantly reminding us where we actually were. Since our last stop because of Melly, all three ladies had been unusually quiet or slightly low-spirited. Understandable, really—today’s stretch was dragging on, even though everyone had known it would be a long driving day.
Finally, we reached the long-awaited junction where we had to turn left. This would put us on the famous Tamiami Trail, which merged with our current road and would lead us westward through the heart of the Everglades. Once we passed the intersection, one could have feared that the long, straight road ahead might become mind-numbingly monotonous—but luckily, there were roadworks. And in their very own way, these construction sites actually brought some welcome variety to the drive and the view. Without them, we would’ve seen nothing but a canal flowing alongside us on the right and endless green shrubbery on the left.
Before each roadwork section came into sight, it was heralded by bright red warning signs. The first site actually sparked a bit of curiosity—after all, something new is always at least a little exciting. Eventually, we spotted it: the road would narrow to a single lane, requiring one direction to stop while the other had the green light. But before we reached the waiting point, the road gave us a little nudge—literally. Raised bumps had been installed, and driving over them gave us such a violent shake that it was like a wake-up call: “Hey you fool, slow down already!”
And then came the stopping point on our side, where we had to wait our turn to proceed.
Construction zones in the U.S. are somehow… different.
Worth mentioning: unlike in Germany, where you’d expect a traffic light at exactly this kind of spot, traffic here was managed by a person—yes, a real person—holding a sign that read “STOP” on one side and “GO” on the other. Depending on the phase of the “manual traffic light,” he’d simply flip the sign toward our direction. His job had just two tasks: 1. Flip the sign, and 2. Coordinate with his colleague at the other end of the site about when it was time to flip. Kind of strange, when you think about it—doing this all day long. Then again, you only think about it for a moment… and then it’s gone.
In total, we hit another three to five construction zones, each with the exact same setup. Needless to say, our mood didn’t exactly improve. After the final one—and we probably said this after each one, but this time it was actually true—we still had about 50 kilometers left to follow the Tamiami Trail. To the right: the canal. To the left: more green shrubbery. Occasionally, a few alligator farms or airboat stations appeared on either side of the road, briefly injecting a hint of civilization into the scenery. But we didn’t stop. We literally left them on the left—and sometimes right—side of the road.
Our goal was the town of Everglades City, and we now wanted to get there as fast as possible. Mainly because we still had no idea where we were going to sleep that night—we had only booked the first two nights of the trip in advance back in Germany. So things were still exciting. Would it all work out? Would things go according to plan?
The long-awaited next junction finally appeared on the horizon—there really aren’t many along this road. Another left turn, and we’d have just 5 or 6 kilometers to go before reaching our destination.
Everglades City.
Finally, we reached the sign that said “Everglades” – we had arrived. Looking back, this was the most remote and eerie stop of our entire trip, and the only one where we stayed overnight. A single main road connects this place to civilization – in or out. Beyond that, it’s nothing but swamp and water surrounding the town. If you’re looking for solitude to truly dive deep into yourself, this is the perfect place to explore the hidden corners of your soul. Just make sure you find your way back out again. (smile)
The sky was blue, the sun was shining, it was warm, and the place seemed completely peaceful—and even a little romantic—in the daylight. The atmosphere at night, however, was something we’d experience later. For now, we focused on finding a place to stay and stopped at the first motel we saw after entering the town: the “Ivey House.”
The motel looked very modest from the outside, but still quite inviting. I don’t remember exactly how the decision was made, but it was the girls who took charge of going inside to ask for a room. After what felt like 15 to 20 minutes, they finally came back out, beaming with joy, and announced that we would be staying here for the night. The only difference compared to other hotels was that we had to book two rooms instead of one, since each room was just big enough to fit two beds with a bit of walking space around them. And the beds themselves were only large enough for one person each.
But before we could check into our rooms — which were located in a separate building from the “hotel” itself — we grabbed our suitcases from the car and trotted in single file behind a hotel staff member who was leading us to our rooms. As mentioned, we had to leave the main building, walk a few meters outside, and then entered the annex. A bleak hallway stretched before us, ending in a room that served as a common area — though it felt more like a cliché American “living room” from a movie set.
Since our two rooms were right at the very end, we basically had the “living room” directly in front of our doors. The only thing we were still missing were the sanitary facilities. But where were they? Ah, there—a door on the right side of the hallway was open, and I immediately stopped with my suitcase and curiously peeked into the room that was visible from there.
Anyone who has ever seen the inside of a youth hostel—or even stayed in one—knows all too well what communal washrooms are. And there it was, right in front of me. The room itself looked a bit like a museum exhibit of how people might have washed themselves 50 years ago—but definitely not in 2013. Every youth hostel is more modern than this. Tiny sinks and cute little twist taps lined the left wall, and directly across from them, on the right side of the room, were three Western-style toilets. You could have easily looked into each one without even standing on tiptoes—or being a giant—and calmly watched anyone doing their business.
In the back, there was a side room where four futuristic plastic showers stood in a row. All I could think was: Well, this’ll be fun… Then I quickly followed the others, who had already disappeared into our rooms.
As usual, the first thing we all did was go online for a bit. Outside the window, dusk was already falling, and as my stomach began to growl again, I asked the group if we shouldn’t go grab something to eat now. Melly and Kathy agreed immediately, while Mary wasn’t hungry—or didn’t feel well that evening—so she stayed in her room. That this wasn’t the only reason she didn’t want to come along, I would find out later…
You honestly felt like you were in a movie—something like Halloween or Friday the 13th.
We got in the car and simply headed south through town, with a few tips from reception in hand about where we might still find something to eat. That’s when we realized just how deserted this place really was. With the growing darkness, it more and more resembled the perfect setting for a horror film. Halloween or Friday the 13th could’ve easily been filmed here. A town, far from the next, only reachable by road—or otherwise by water—offered the ideal conditions that every cliché horror movie calls for.
After we explored the area a little, we finally spotted a diner. It looked somewhat lively, thanks to its bright lights shining out through big windows into the darkness. We parked right next to it and experienced a diner just like the ones you see in American films set in small towns.
Okay, it wasn’t exactly bustling, but there were a few guests. We sat down at a table and were immediately served by a young, pretty girl, which made me instantly wonder what she was doing in a place like this. She really seemed like she belonged anywhere but here in this forgotten town. Before I could pursue that thought any further, I focused on the menu instead. Kathy and I ordered a small pizza, and I think Melly went for a salad.
Alright, in the end, the pizza wasn’t that small after all, and we actually had to take half of it with us. But wow, was it delicious! Honestly, one of the best pizzas I’ve ever had – and that in a tiny backwater town. No one’s ever going to believe me. But yes, yes – just look at the photo. If that doesn’t make your mouth water, then you clearly don’t know what good food is. (grins)
Suddenly, the topic came up: why hadn’t Mary joined us? She usually never misses a chance when there’s food involved. And how bad was she really feeling? Before I go into that, I want to make one thing clear: I had explained in detail to everyone beforehand that this was a road trip I’d be documenting in multimedia format – with daily updates both in a separate blog and on Facebook. I also emphasized that we were a team, and of course I wanted to shine a light on the whole team – not just myself.
But apparently, that had become too much for Mary. All of a sudden, she didn’t like that I was posting pictures with all of us in them and even tagging her. At that moment, I felt like I was in the wrong movie. What had Mary expected? Had she not informed herself about the trip beforehand – even though she’s Melly’s best friend and maybe said yes without asking too many questions? But that couldn’t be, because I had spoken to her on the phone and explained everything, or so I thought.
For me, this was the first crack in our project – and in our team dynamic. How was I supposed to deal with Mary in the future when it came to photos? So many questions, and I didn’t have any answers yet. The only thing I knew for sure was that, for the first time since the start of the trip, my mood had taken a hit that evening.
Anyway – time to head back to the motel. Maybe the world would look better in the morning. On the way back – it must’ve been around 10 p.m. – you could really feel the eerie atmosphere of the place. The darkness and ghostly silence gave the whole area a truly spooky vibe.
Inside, I was relieved that we were only spending one night here and would be returning to civilization the next day. When we arrived at the motel, I disappeared straight into the bathroom, took a long-awaited, relaxing shower I’d been craving all day, and then collapsed, dead tired, into bed.
March 4th, 2013
Everglades (City)
When I woke up in the morning, gently roused by the sunlight sneaking through the wooden blinds, I knew I was still alive – and that Jason or Michael Myers hadn’t dropped by after all last night. (smile)
Hotel, youth hostel or retirement home? Who knows… the lines definitely seemed blurred here.
With thoughts of a delicious breakfast in mind, I made my way straight to the bathroom — or rather, the communal washroom — and I was so happy when I finally made it out. Let’s just say: space showers and tiny sinks are a real adventure. But now it was time for breakfast.
It didn’t take long for us to realize that we four were by far the youngest ones there. The other guests were all sprightly seniors, sure — but somehow, it felt like we had spent the night in a retirement home. Was this place cursed? Were we now trapped in this town forever, doomed to live out our days like the elderly around us? Hopefully not. I quickly pushed that strange thought aside.
Back to breakfast. Once again, we were treated to a “typical American breakfast” — lucky us — but the real highlight? The tablecloth. Its subtle palette was a true feast for the eyes.
Oh God, that tablecloth was an assault on the eyes. You could get eye cancer just by looking at it. Any small object placed on that table would have been instantly lost, never to be seen again—it blended in with the pattern that quickly.
After breakfast, clearing the table on your own was the rule of the day here as well. Felt just like home. And without any complaints, we followed suit like good kids.
Then it was time to check out, and less than 100 meters from the motel, our first highlight of the day was already waiting: Speedy’s Airboat Tours. That morning, we were in for an epic ride through the Everglades on one of those awesome airboats.
My First Time!! Well… with a classic airboat in Florida!
The vibe within our group was great again, and everyone was excited for what was about to happen. First, we each paid $40 per person for the ride and got a small red slip of paper in return – with the name of our captain and the number of the dock where our airboat would be waiting for us shortly.
Melly and Mary made themselves comfortable in the sun, lying down on a nearby patch of grass, while I checked out the boats that were already tied up at the dock. Since this wasn’t one of those airboat operators along the busy Tamiami Trail – the road we’d taken the day before through all those construction zones – there didn’t seem to be a massive tourist crowd here. Everything felt small and personal – just like the whole operation.
The boats had two rows of seats with room for a maximum of six people, and the captain sat on an elevated seat at the back. While I relaxed, took in the surroundings, soaked up the sun, and quietly filmed a few shots with my camera, a loud shout suddenly rang out. It was none other than our captain, calling out our number to signal that he was ready to go.
Since my girls hadn’t noticed a thing (as usual), I rushed over to the sunbathing duo and shouted, “Chop-chop, let’s go! Sunbathing is over – time to hit the boat!”
Now that the gang was complete again, we made our way to the dock, where our captain was already waiting for us with a grin. We took our seats on the benches. Joining us on board were two more passengers – a younger woman and an older lady. As we later found out, they were mother and daughter. And big respect – the mom, despite her age, just couldn’t get enough speed. She was loving the airboat ride!
After a brief safety talk from the captain and putting on our ear protectors, he fired up the engine – and off we went.
How the airboat ride actually turned out? You can watch it in the video:
We were so thrilled with the tour that even after we had returned to the dock, we kept talking about how it had totally been worth it and how we would’ve regretted it if we hadn’t done it. Some travel guides even suggest skipping an airboat tour altogether, saying it’s just loud and fast without offering a real glimpse into nature. Nonsense. If you ever find yourself in Florida, you absolutely have to go on one—it’s an absolute blast. And if you’re still craving more of the Everglades’ natural beauty afterward, you can always book a second tour by canoe. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time for that and were “finally” heading back from this remote patch of wilderness into civilization.
As we reached the first intersection that met the Tamiami Trail, we turned right—retracking part of the route we had taken the day before. Somewhere around here was supposed to be the smallest post office in the United States. We must have driven right past it yesterday without even noticing. Then suddenly, on the right-hand side, there was a massive flagpole with an enormous American flag waving in the wind, and just beyond it, a tiny parking lot came into view—where we immediately spotted “the smallest post office.”
And it was really tiny. No joke – inside this little wooden shack, there was actually a postal worker sitting on a stool, and she would immediately open the metal gate whenever a tourist approached. You couldn’t drop off packages here, but you could buy postcards and stamps – which, let’s be honest, was all the tourists really cared about anyway. Just nearby, there was even a mailbox, so you could send off your freshly written postcards right then and there, ensuring they’d reach your loved ones back home as quickly as possible.
Joanie’s Blue Crab Cafe – One Order of Alligator Meat, Please!
By now, we were all starving. So we drove just a few more miles to the only cafe in the area for what seemed like forever – Joanie’s Blue Crab Cafe.
The atmosphere was amazing, and this place is truly a hidden gem. It’s lovingly run by an elderly lady—of course her name is Joanie—and the food is prepared in a tiny kitchen, just like Mama used to make. I had rice with black beans, Melly and Mary went for a soup, and Kathy had a salad with grilled alligator meat. I have to say, after trying a couple of bites myself, it was a bit tough and not exactly tasty enough for me to want to try it again.
When we were actually about to leave, we found out it was the owner’s birthday today. Melly had already kind of made friends with her, and Joanie invited us to have a big slice of her birthday cake. Yummy, what a treat—and each of us instantly gained about 1,000 calories. (laughs)
After we had congratulated her, thanked her for the delicious cake, and enjoyed the extraordinary and familiar atmosphere for a little while longer, we set off and slowly but surely left the Everglades heading west.
Our next destination was the town of Naples on the Gulf Coast.
What happened next, how we mingled with the rich and beautiful in Naples that evening, and how we continued our journey up the Gulf Coast the following day — and all the adventures we experienced along the way — you’ll find out in part five of my travel diary.
